Last night I gave my 3rd shot. I am still suffering from the "several false starts" syndrome. It took about a half an hour to get actually administer the shot. I don't think it's getting easier. It takes ALL of my energy and focus just to complete the 5 second task. I read on a blog last night that one lady takes Xanax for her anxiety through this process. Charlie immediately and eagerly said, "How did she get Xanax? Can you take Xanax?" He is really trying, but I know he is tired, too. I think he is going to take the kids for a visit with his parents next weekend. I think that will be good for all of us.
After only 3 injections, I feel bruised across my stomach and may try my legs tonight. The side effects are starting. I am sooooo tired- especially in the evenings and anything can set me off emotionally. It's a really weird feeling. First I get so mad, I want to break something or throw something. Then the energy just sort of seeps away and I just lay and cry and hate the whole world. I literally feel crazy because I can't control any of it- and a little scared that I'm so out of control. Then I feel guilty for being crazy, which makes me mad, because I can't help feeling crazy because I have to take these fucking shots. This brings us right back to crazy.
The upside to all of this is that I sleep like a rock. As soon as I hit the pillow, I'm out until morning. That's the only upside that I have seen so far.
I am really struggling today. It's so discouraging to be on day 3 of my shots and already so miserable. What am I going to do when it's 3 shots in an hour? I won't have a half an hour to talk myself into it. I'm way to far in and committed to quit now, I just have to get through this. That's become a sort of mantra at our house. We just have to get through this. It's not forever.
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