Sunday, May 30, 2010
It's HARVEST TIME!!
I gave my "trigger shot" tonight (actually Charlie did). It was a big one, but didn't hurt nearly as much as the stimulation shots. I am scheduled for an egg retrival operation on Tuesday at 7:30 am. I will keep everyone posted! Thanks for your thoughts and good wishes!
Friday, May 28, 2010
CLOSE
I went in for my ultrasound and bloodwork today (third blook work this week, arm is seriously fed up). I am so close. I have to go bak in the morning, but I could trigger tomorrow for a Monday harvest or on Monday for a Wednesday harvest. That means that I could be a little pregnant this time next week! I am so excited, scared and overwhelmed, I don't know what to do with myself! Will keep you posted!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Things not to say
I started my Menopur last night and am feeling better today. In place of my typical entry, I am posting something from another lady's blog. She has dealt with infertility for many years and writes pretty funy stuff. This is her 16 things not to say to someone who is NCBC (not childless by choice):
These following statements are just not okay:
1. "You must not really have wanted to have a child or you would have one." Really, is that the problem? Me and Hillary, we just didn't want it enough. Thanks.
2. "You must have some psychological block that is preventing you from getting pregnant." I am guessing that means Jamie and Britney Spears are totally free and clear of psychological issues. Good to know.
3. "If you would just change your beliefs about all of this you would get pregnant. Have you seen “The Secret"? This question always makes me want to ask the well-meaning questioner if they have seen my middle finger? I believed I would get pregnant----I mean I believed. I believed so strongly that I had names and furniture and preschools picked out. If I didn’t believe I wouldn’t have shelled out $100,000 in my attempt to conceive and I certainly wouldn’t have endured that kind of pain and suffering.
4. "If you would just quit trying you would get pregnant" or "if you would adopt you wouldget pregnant." No, this anecdotal myth is just that, a myth. 95% of people who adopt do not get pregnant upon adopting---and the percentage of people who get pregnant after failed infertility treatment is even less. I find the notion of adopting in order to get pregnant totally unconscionable. If you want to adopt then you adopt but you don’t do it as a means of getting pregnant.
And I will have you know that we haven’t been trying to get pregnant for almost four years and not once in all of these years of not trying have we managed to get even a little bit pregnant.
5. "God has another plan for you. God doesn't want you to be pregnant" or, my personal non-favorite, "God wants you to be in service and if you had a child you couldn't do God's will." Please, please, I beg you, unless God has phoned you up or shown up in your living room with choirs of angels, would you please do me a favor and not be a spokes person for any deity on my behalf. Oh, and if God has visited you and given you an inside scoop to my life purpose I would suggest you put your tinfoil hat on and find your way to the nearest psychiatric hospital.
6. Another of the God ones that needs to go unsaid, “Maybe God knew you wouldn't have made a good parent." Following this logic one would have to infer that all the people who have children are great parents. One trip to Mc Donalds will disprove this absurd theory. "God" gives all manner of incompetent people children. I know many parents that any higher power in its right mind would have never chosen to care for a houseplant let alone a helpless child.
7. "Do you want to throw me a baby shower?" No, I don't. I love you. I love you very much, but I just cannot throw you a shower or even go to your shower. Sometimes the mere act of taking a shower makes me cry. Going to a party to celebrate someone else having a baby is out of the question. Also, I am not going to birthday party for children 0-12. Once they are 13 and are driving you to drink I will happily attend and I will come and celebrate your suffering. I hope you understand.
8. "I am thinking about having an abortion." No, do not tell me this. I am all for choice. Really, I am. I just cannot hear about your choice just now.
9. "Do you want to go to Chucky Cheese, Disneyland, Toys R Us or to the American Doll store with me? No, no I don't. I want to go to a bar and drink a bottle of Vodka and smoke a carton of cigarettes---and I want to end the evening with a Super Size Ambien, would you care to join me?
10. "I had six kids and as soon as I had them I realized I didn't want to be a mother." It was 6th child that made you realize this? When talking it is important to be aware of your audience. This is not something you say to a woman who was not able to have one child.
11. " I have a very small family, I only have four kids." Shut up.
12. "You can be a mother to your friends kids”. I know people mean well by this. But, to those of you who say such things, let me tell you that babysitting for your kids is not the same thing as being a parent. It just isn't.
13. "Well, why didn't you try and adopt?" I did and it hurt more than the IVF when the mother decided she had changed her mind and she would instead go on welfare and drop out of school so she could keep her child. I can’t do it again. And by the way even if I managed to adopt I would still be grieving the loss of not being able to have my husband’s child.
14. Or, the one I am getting a lot of lately, "Get over it". No, I am not likely to get over it. This is a wound and emptiness that will be with me forever. Infertility is, as Shelagh Little writes, “like a low-level, lifelong bio-psychosocial syndrome. My physical inability to produce children has emotional and social consequences that I struggle with, at least to some extent, every day."
15. “You are soooooo lucky not to have kids.” I can take this one now and then, but on the day after a failed IVF I could not stand to hear how lucky I was and how horrible kids are. I know it may be true. I know the statistics about how childless couples are happier and have more satisfying marriages---but we were going to be the couple with the house filled with kids, bikes on the lawn, and a tree house in the yard. We would not be the couple who spends holidays at others homes---we were going to have a family, or so I thought.
16. “Don’t ever give up. Keep trying. You can’t stop now. Maybe just one more IVF and you will get pregnant.” This is one that really gets to me. I once asked a friend of mine who has worked with the terminally ill if when people in the late stages of cancer decide they can’t bare any more treatment if they are met with this same kind of attitude. She assured me that they aren’t. With cancer and other terminal diseases there seems to be a collective understanding that at some point that the compassionate thing to do is give up and die with dignity. The same kind of understanding does not seem to be there for us infertiles. I suppose that it seems to an outsider that there is always something more you can do and that if you “really wanted a baby you would do it”. We did IUI, IVF, and ICSI. That is as much as we could do. We could not do egg donor or hire a surrogate or attempt another adoption. There was a time when we could do no more. There was a point when trying to have a baby started to feel like it was killing my spirit, damaging my relationships and draining our finances. However since there are more things we could have tried I often get the sense from some insensitive others that I don’t deserve to grieve over our childlessness. That we should keep going and only when we have exhausted every option do we then deserve to grieve.
Infertility treatment, according to the statistics, is likely to cause anxiety and depression equivalent to those with Cancer or H.I.V./ AIDS. With infertility there is guessing, hoping and odds that are often different in theory than in practice. Infertility treatment takes a significant toll on your body, relationships and finances---and it is up to each individual to determine when they can take no more.
My suggestion on what to say when you learn that someone is suffering from infertility is very simple, if you find yourself at a loss what to say or an impulse to say any of the previous things that you shouldn't, just say a heartfelt "I'm sorry"---that is plenty.
Posted by La Belette Rouge
These following statements are just not okay:
1. "You must not really have wanted to have a child or you would have one." Really, is that the problem? Me and Hillary, we just didn't want it enough. Thanks.
2. "You must have some psychological block that is preventing you from getting pregnant." I am guessing that means Jamie and Britney Spears are totally free and clear of psychological issues. Good to know.
3. "If you would just change your beliefs about all of this you would get pregnant. Have you seen “The Secret"? This question always makes me want to ask the well-meaning questioner if they have seen my middle finger? I believed I would get pregnant----I mean I believed. I believed so strongly that I had names and furniture and preschools picked out. If I didn’t believe I wouldn’t have shelled out $100,000 in my attempt to conceive and I certainly wouldn’t have endured that kind of pain and suffering.
4. "If you would just quit trying you would get pregnant" or "if you would adopt you wouldget pregnant." No, this anecdotal myth is just that, a myth. 95% of people who adopt do not get pregnant upon adopting---and the percentage of people who get pregnant after failed infertility treatment is even less. I find the notion of adopting in order to get pregnant totally unconscionable. If you want to adopt then you adopt but you don’t do it as a means of getting pregnant.
And I will have you know that we haven’t been trying to get pregnant for almost four years and not once in all of these years of not trying have we managed to get even a little bit pregnant.
5. "God has another plan for you. God doesn't want you to be pregnant" or, my personal non-favorite, "God wants you to be in service and if you had a child you couldn't do God's will." Please, please, I beg you, unless God has phoned you up or shown up in your living room with choirs of angels, would you please do me a favor and not be a spokes person for any deity on my behalf. Oh, and if God has visited you and given you an inside scoop to my life purpose I would suggest you put your tinfoil hat on and find your way to the nearest psychiatric hospital.
6. Another of the God ones that needs to go unsaid, “Maybe God knew you wouldn't have made a good parent." Following this logic one would have to infer that all the people who have children are great parents. One trip to Mc Donalds will disprove this absurd theory. "God" gives all manner of incompetent people children. I know many parents that any higher power in its right mind would have never chosen to care for a houseplant let alone a helpless child.
7. "Do you want to throw me a baby shower?" No, I don't. I love you. I love you very much, but I just cannot throw you a shower or even go to your shower. Sometimes the mere act of taking a shower makes me cry. Going to a party to celebrate someone else having a baby is out of the question. Also, I am not going to birthday party for children 0-12. Once they are 13 and are driving you to drink I will happily attend and I will come and celebrate your suffering. I hope you understand.
8. "I am thinking about having an abortion." No, do not tell me this. I am all for choice. Really, I am. I just cannot hear about your choice just now.
9. "Do you want to go to Chucky Cheese, Disneyland, Toys R Us or to the American Doll store with me? No, no I don't. I want to go to a bar and drink a bottle of Vodka and smoke a carton of cigarettes---and I want to end the evening with a Super Size Ambien, would you care to join me?
10. "I had six kids and as soon as I had them I realized I didn't want to be a mother." It was 6th child that made you realize this? When talking it is important to be aware of your audience. This is not something you say to a woman who was not able to have one child.
11. " I have a very small family, I only have four kids." Shut up.
12. "You can be a mother to your friends kids”. I know people mean well by this. But, to those of you who say such things, let me tell you that babysitting for your kids is not the same thing as being a parent. It just isn't.
13. "Well, why didn't you try and adopt?" I did and it hurt more than the IVF when the mother decided she had changed her mind and she would instead go on welfare and drop out of school so she could keep her child. I can’t do it again. And by the way even if I managed to adopt I would still be grieving the loss of not being able to have my husband’s child.
14. Or, the one I am getting a lot of lately, "Get over it". No, I am not likely to get over it. This is a wound and emptiness that will be with me forever. Infertility is, as Shelagh Little writes, “like a low-level, lifelong bio-psychosocial syndrome. My physical inability to produce children has emotional and social consequences that I struggle with, at least to some extent, every day."
15. “You are soooooo lucky not to have kids.” I can take this one now and then, but on the day after a failed IVF I could not stand to hear how lucky I was and how horrible kids are. I know it may be true. I know the statistics about how childless couples are happier and have more satisfying marriages---but we were going to be the couple with the house filled with kids, bikes on the lawn, and a tree house in the yard. We would not be the couple who spends holidays at others homes---we were going to have a family, or so I thought.
16. “Don’t ever give up. Keep trying. You can’t stop now. Maybe just one more IVF and you will get pregnant.” This is one that really gets to me. I once asked a friend of mine who has worked with the terminally ill if when people in the late stages of cancer decide they can’t bare any more treatment if they are met with this same kind of attitude. She assured me that they aren’t. With cancer and other terminal diseases there seems to be a collective understanding that at some point that the compassionate thing to do is give up and die with dignity. The same kind of understanding does not seem to be there for us infertiles. I suppose that it seems to an outsider that there is always something more you can do and that if you “really wanted a baby you would do it”. We did IUI, IVF, and ICSI. That is as much as we could do. We could not do egg donor or hire a surrogate or attempt another adoption. There was a time when we could do no more. There was a point when trying to have a baby started to feel like it was killing my spirit, damaging my relationships and draining our finances. However since there are more things we could have tried I often get the sense from some insensitive others that I don’t deserve to grieve over our childlessness. That we should keep going and only when we have exhausted every option do we then deserve to grieve.
Infertility treatment, according to the statistics, is likely to cause anxiety and depression equivalent to those with Cancer or H.I.V./ AIDS. With infertility there is guessing, hoping and odds that are often different in theory than in practice. Infertility treatment takes a significant toll on your body, relationships and finances---and it is up to each individual to determine when they can take no more.
My suggestion on what to say when you learn that someone is suffering from infertility is very simple, if you find yourself at a loss what to say or an impulse to say any of the previous things that you shouldn't, just say a heartfelt "I'm sorry"---that is plenty.
Posted by La Belette Rouge
Monday, May 24, 2010
Stimulation
I have started the injections that will force my ovaries to develop mulitple eggs. I had bloodwork and an ultrasound on Friday and more bloodwork today. The new shots sting like hell and I am soooooo tired. I am going to work, but I'm not sure you can call what I'm doing "working". I mostly sit at my desk, waiting for the doctor to call with my blood results and try not to fall asleep or start crying. The bruising on my stomach has started causing bleeding with every injection. I could inject in my thighs, but may have to do the IM injections there, so I am trying to keep that area bruise-free. I have had the same slight headache for three days. I have hot flashes. I have to bite my tongue not to go all Tourette's on people and tell them I hate them.
I have reached a point in the process that is similar to the point you reach during finals in college or preparing for an audit at work. It's the point where you don't really care what the outcome is, you just want it to be over. I (obviously) still want to get pregnant, but more than anything, I just want this to be over. At least then I will know and can react and process accordingly. Overall, I am not feeling very stimuated by the stimulation medication...It's just temporary. This isn't forever...It's just temporary. This isn't forever...(insert deep breath here). I will keep you posted.
I have reached a point in the process that is similar to the point you reach during finals in college or preparing for an audit at work. It's the point where you don't really care what the outcome is, you just want it to be over. I (obviously) still want to get pregnant, but more than anything, I just want this to be over. At least then I will know and can react and process accordingly. Overall, I am not feeling very stimuated by the stimulation medication...It's just temporary. This isn't forever...It's just temporary. This isn't forever...(insert deep breath here). I will keep you posted.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Middle-Aged Mary
On Friday, the anxiety over giving myself injections beat the control freak part of my personality into submission and I let Charlie do my injection. He did an excellent job and is now on permanent duty. It has been such a relief not to have to worry about doing it myself, that I have been fairly relaxed all weekend. Now, I am anxious to go to the doctor, get blood drawn and start my stimulation medications. Stimulation medication sound fun and sexy. Like Viagra or Ecstasy..Unfortunately for me, only my ovaries are getting stimulated. The rest of me remains in menopause. I'm not wearing slacks with elastic waistbands and baggy cardigans, and I haven't started going to the salon once a week to get my hair washed and set, but I am having hot flashes and fantasies of 10 grandchildren. Also, have found myself with a strange craving for hard, butterscotch candies...
Anyway, the stim meds are 2 additional shots a day. It's good because it means I am one step closer to pregnancy. It's bad because it sucks to get 3 shots a day, but it should only be for 10-14 days. Then, blood work and ultrasounds every day, and then it's HARVEST TIME!!! I kind of want to come up with an agricultural rhyme, like the one that goes:
By the 4th of July,
the corn should be as high as an elephants eye....
Mine might be more like:
In the final egg development stage,
how many depends on your age,
but after much hormone related rage,
proceed with the harvest,
Using a needle with a large gauge,
Not quite as catchy...I'll keep working on it, but I can't think of anything to rhyme with centimeter or folicle...I am open to suggestions!
Anyway, the stim meds are 2 additional shots a day. It's good because it means I am one step closer to pregnancy. It's bad because it sucks to get 3 shots a day, but it should only be for 10-14 days. Then, blood work and ultrasounds every day, and then it's HARVEST TIME!!! I kind of want to come up with an agricultural rhyme, like the one that goes:
By the 4th of July,
the corn should be as high as an elephants eye....
Mine might be more like:
In the final egg development stage,
how many depends on your age,
but after much hormone related rage,
proceed with the harvest,
Using a needle with a large gauge,
Not quite as catchy...I'll keep working on it, but I can't think of anything to rhyme with centimeter or folicle...I am open to suggestions!
Friday, May 14, 2010
And here come the side effects
Last night I gave my 3rd shot. I am still suffering from the "several false starts" syndrome. It took about a half an hour to get actually administer the shot. I don't think it's getting easier. It takes ALL of my energy and focus just to complete the 5 second task. I read on a blog last night that one lady takes Xanax for her anxiety through this process. Charlie immediately and eagerly said, "How did she get Xanax? Can you take Xanax?" He is really trying, but I know he is tired, too. I think he is going to take the kids for a visit with his parents next weekend. I think that will be good for all of us.
After only 3 injections, I feel bruised across my stomach and may try my legs tonight. The side effects are starting. I am sooooo tired- especially in the evenings and anything can set me off emotionally. It's a really weird feeling. First I get so mad, I want to break something or throw something. Then the energy just sort of seeps away and I just lay and cry and hate the whole world. I literally feel crazy because I can't control any of it- and a little scared that I'm so out of control. Then I feel guilty for being crazy, which makes me mad, because I can't help feeling crazy because I have to take these fucking shots. This brings us right back to crazy.
The upside to all of this is that I sleep like a rock. As soon as I hit the pillow, I'm out until morning. That's the only upside that I have seen so far.
I am really struggling today. It's so discouraging to be on day 3 of my shots and already so miserable. What am I going to do when it's 3 shots in an hour? I won't have a half an hour to talk myself into it. I'm way to far in and committed to quit now, I just have to get through this. That's become a sort of mantra at our house. We just have to get through this. It's not forever.
After only 3 injections, I feel bruised across my stomach and may try my legs tonight. The side effects are starting. I am sooooo tired- especially in the evenings and anything can set me off emotionally. It's a really weird feeling. First I get so mad, I want to break something or throw something. Then the energy just sort of seeps away and I just lay and cry and hate the whole world. I literally feel crazy because I can't control any of it- and a little scared that I'm so out of control. Then I feel guilty for being crazy, which makes me mad, because I can't help feeling crazy because I have to take these fucking shots. This brings us right back to crazy.
The upside to all of this is that I sleep like a rock. As soon as I hit the pillow, I'm out until morning. That's the only upside that I have seen so far.
I am really struggling today. It's so discouraging to be on day 3 of my shots and already so miserable. What am I going to do when it's 3 shots in an hour? I won't have a half an hour to talk myself into it. I'm way to far in and committed to quit now, I just have to get through this. That's become a sort of mantra at our house. We just have to get through this. It's not forever.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I did it...finally
I gave my first injection last night and it went something like this:
I went into the kitchen and got the shot ready. Then I put ice on my injection site. Charlie watched. Then I picked up the shot and held it over the site. I wanted to get it over with, so I started to inject it...then 3 inches from my body, my hand froze. I literally couldn't do it. Charlie said, "Do you want me to do it?" I told him no, I needed to know how to do this. I tried again. I said to myself, "This is ridiculous! You had a root canal 4 hours ago. This probably won't even hurt. Count to three and then just do it. It will be over in a second." I counted to three, and my hand WOULD NOT move. Then Charlie tried counting..nothing.
I have, many times, been disdainful of people on The Amazing Race because they won't do a zip line, or go down a water slide. They stand crying, while their partners cajole, encourage and then try tough love. I will never judge those people again.
I asked Charlie to leave the kitchen, but still, I couldn't do the shot. My hands were shaking at this point and the effects of the ice had long since disappeared. I called Charlie back into the kitchen and burst into tears. "I can't do it! I'm not going to be able to do this and there will be no babies because I'm a wuss!" Charlie asked again if I wanted him to do it. I stopped crying and said yes. He took the syringe from me, pinched the skin, and sat there. Then he looked up at me. I said, "What?" he said, "I don't think I can do it either." FUUUCCKKK!!!!! I was so frustrated at this point. I said, "OK, you go somewhere else. I am going to watch the video again and then try." I watched the video and went back into the kitchen. Then I did exactly what the lady on the video did.
I slid the needle in and I injected the hormone. It burned and itched and I was as proud of myself as if I had climbed Everest. I ate a celebratory bowl of ice cream. I told Charlie several times, "I don't know if you know this, but I injected myself with a needle." He assured me he remembered and that I was the most fabulous, bravest person ever. He also says he doesn't know what he's going to do when it's time for the Progesterone shots. I don't think we can think about that now. I just want to get through the next couple weeks.
I went into the kitchen and got the shot ready. Then I put ice on my injection site. Charlie watched. Then I picked up the shot and held it over the site. I wanted to get it over with, so I started to inject it...then 3 inches from my body, my hand froze. I literally couldn't do it. Charlie said, "Do you want me to do it?" I told him no, I needed to know how to do this. I tried again. I said to myself, "This is ridiculous! You had a root canal 4 hours ago. This probably won't even hurt. Count to three and then just do it. It will be over in a second." I counted to three, and my hand WOULD NOT move. Then Charlie tried counting..nothing.
I have, many times, been disdainful of people on The Amazing Race because they won't do a zip line, or go down a water slide. They stand crying, while their partners cajole, encourage and then try tough love. I will never judge those people again.
I asked Charlie to leave the kitchen, but still, I couldn't do the shot. My hands were shaking at this point and the effects of the ice had long since disappeared. I called Charlie back into the kitchen and burst into tears. "I can't do it! I'm not going to be able to do this and there will be no babies because I'm a wuss!" Charlie asked again if I wanted him to do it. I stopped crying and said yes. He took the syringe from me, pinched the skin, and sat there. Then he looked up at me. I said, "What?" he said, "I don't think I can do it either." FUUUCCKKK!!!!! I was so frustrated at this point. I said, "OK, you go somewhere else. I am going to watch the video again and then try." I watched the video and went back into the kitchen. Then I did exactly what the lady on the video did.
I slid the needle in and I injected the hormone. It burned and itched and I was as proud of myself as if I had climbed Everest. I ate a celebratory bowl of ice cream. I told Charlie several times, "I don't know if you know this, but I injected myself with a needle." He assured me he remembered and that I was the most fabulous, bravest person ever. He also says he doesn't know what he's going to do when it's time for the Progesterone shots. I don't think we can think about that now. I just want to get through the next couple weeks.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
A Fortunate Dental Procedure
Today is THE DAY! I start my hormone injections! I was very nervous about it, had a crying, "why-can-bad-people-all-over-the-world-have-babies-with-little-to-no-effort-and-I-have-to-torture-myself-for-even-the-opportunity-to-conceive", pity party this weekend. Then the most wonderful thing happened- I went to the dentist yesterday and found out I need a root canal today. Now, this would not be wonderful under normal circumstances, but I am finding that I am much more anxious about the root canal than I am about the shot. I also plan to be very tough later and say things like, "Well, this will be a breeze after that root canal!"
I watched the injection videos on line last night and they demonstrate how to do everything from drawing up the shot to injecting. Charlie was very helpful and calming. He really put me in a state of zen by saying 3 times during the video, "Oh, God, she's not really going to inject herself on this, is she?!" and, "There's no way she's really going to do an injection!" She did, and she lived through it.
I think I'll be fine. Really. I have plenty of subcutaneous (fat) tissue, and I am using this process as an excuse to eat fast food- got to keep those injection sites plentiful! I haven't decided if I want Charlie in the room for moral support or if I want to go it alone. I do better and get less nervy when I'm by myself, but I do want him to know what works and what doesn't for when he has to give me injections. I will try to update and let you know how it goes later this week.
I'm sure it will be a breeze after that root canal!
I watched the injection videos on line last night and they demonstrate how to do everything from drawing up the shot to injecting. Charlie was very helpful and calming. He really put me in a state of zen by saying 3 times during the video, "Oh, God, she's not really going to inject herself on this, is she?!" and, "There's no way she's really going to do an injection!" She did, and she lived through it.
I think I'll be fine. Really. I have plenty of subcutaneous (fat) tissue, and I am using this process as an excuse to eat fast food- got to keep those injection sites plentiful! I haven't decided if I want Charlie in the room for moral support or if I want to go it alone. I do better and get less nervy when I'm by myself, but I do want him to know what works and what doesn't for when he has to give me injections. I will try to update and let you know how it goes later this week.
I'm sure it will be a breeze after that root canal!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
appreciation
I haven't posted anything in a while. I think that's because I have been trying really hard to not think about it while I wait to start my shots. I start my Lupron on May 11, so that's one week from today. As strange as it seems, at this point, I just want to get started and get it over with. I have almost totally forgotten my fear of needles. It will probably come raging back when I'm ready to stick myself but for now, I'm not bothered by the thought. It's really strange to think how adaptable people are. A year ago I never would have believed I could do this(OK, 4 weeks ago I had my doubts). Some days I'm still not sure- but mostly, we do what we have to do and we are all stronger than we know.
I joined an online support group/chat and it's great. Everyone there is dealing with infertility. The reasons for the IF are different, but the feelings are very similar. It's a huge relief to know that there are others out there celebrating success and dealing with failure. It gives me hope that I will get pregnant and helps me believe that if I don't, we will get through that, too.
Most of the people around me are very supportive or, if they don't know what to say, they tell me that. That's one of the big reasons for the blog. No one has to say anything. They can read this and know where I am and not feel pressure to say the right thing to me. I appreciate everyone who does keep up on the blog, and my friends who call and email with support or encouragement and tell me that it's cool if I have hot flashes and a short crying spell at their bachelorette parties. I appreciate my boss for sharing her getting pregnant issues with me. I appreciate my husband who has been on this roller coaster with me and loves me in spite of my behavior. So thank you for being there. It means much more than you probably realize.
Also, I promise that future blogs will contain more humor and a lighter take on the situation..but I have been feeling contemplative lately and realized I am not doing this alone.... I'm sure that once I get nervous again, the inappropriate jokes will flow from my keyboard....
I joined an online support group/chat and it's great. Everyone there is dealing with infertility. The reasons for the IF are different, but the feelings are very similar. It's a huge relief to know that there are others out there celebrating success and dealing with failure. It gives me hope that I will get pregnant and helps me believe that if I don't, we will get through that, too.
Most of the people around me are very supportive or, if they don't know what to say, they tell me that. That's one of the big reasons for the blog. No one has to say anything. They can read this and know where I am and not feel pressure to say the right thing to me. I appreciate everyone who does keep up on the blog, and my friends who call and email with support or encouragement and tell me that it's cool if I have hot flashes and a short crying spell at their bachelorette parties. I appreciate my boss for sharing her getting pregnant issues with me. I appreciate my husband who has been on this roller coaster with me and loves me in spite of my behavior. So thank you for being there. It means much more than you probably realize.
Also, I promise that future blogs will contain more humor and a lighter take on the situation..but I have been feeling contemplative lately and realized I am not doing this alone.... I'm sure that once I get nervous again, the inappropriate jokes will flow from my keyboard....
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