Beta results

This morning I had my blood testing done and my doctor's office just called me. They said they like for pregnancy hormone levels to be around 100 for the first test. Mine was 763!!! I said to the nurse, "Oh my GOD! I'm having twins, aren't I?" She laughed and said "MAYBE! Or it's one baby with A LOT of pregnancy hormone". Either way, it's very good news. Next week I go back for another blood test and then, in two weeks, I do a blood test and an ultrasound so we can see how many babies are in there.
My boss told me yesterday that I looked a little pregnant in the dress I was wearing (That's right Joy. If you're reading this, you'll know I'm documenting your bad manners!), and my stomach does seem bigger, but I've lost 4 lbs.! I'm only 18 days along, I can't be getting fat, yet!
Anyway, now I can start my pregnancy journal and start looking at baby furniture and not close my door and cry when someone brings their baby into the office! It still doesn't feel real and I don't think I'm going to get much work done this afternoon....:)

Great news

I debated about when to tell people if I am pregnant. Since the whole Internet has access to my process, though, I don't think it would be fair to withhold information. I started testing at home late last week. Friday, I tested negative. Saturday, I tested negative. Sunday I tested POSITIVE!!! I have tested positive every day since then. I am officially pregnant. Testing positive so early is also an indicator that I may be carrying twins. I won't know for sure until Friday, when I have my blood test and even then I will literally only be 18 days along, so I probably will (try) to wait a few more weeks to make any announcements. It's such a relief to finally be able to have some indication of what's going on in my body. I have also had some nausea and fatigue, and I have never been so excited to be sick!
Charlie is thrilled, too and keeps me entertained by suggesting baby names- some of them pretty crazy. I made a suggestion, for a boy name, that he thought was inappropriate (which I will not disclose in case someone here has a loved one with that name). Charlie's very articulate and sensitive response was, "Why don't we just call him 'Pussy McSuckdick' and send him to school?"
I can only hope that my future child(ren?) have their father's class.

Where I am now

We got some bad news on Wednesday. None of our remaining 10 embryos survived the freezing. We were pretty upset because now the ones they transferred are the only chance we have for pregnancy. I have been having bad cramps for the last couple of days and no symptoms of pregnancy. I just don't feel pregnant. I am so frustrated by this whole process. I am trying to stay positive, but feel like a crazy person. I have made it through the first week of the 2 week wait. Part of me can't wait for next Friday and a definite answer. Part of me doesn't want it to come because as long as I'm in this place, there is still hope.

Two week wait

OK, here's the thing, I'm losing my fucking mind here. My doctor obviously doesn't understand that I am a classic control freak and that it's not possible for me to have a life changing event maybe occurring inside my body that I have no control over. I have cramps, fatigue, bloating, my boobs feel like a couple of bowling balls that shoot intense pain through my chest when they bump anything. In short, I have all the early signs of pregnancy....or my period....or surgery induced trauma to my ovaries. I have been straining to feel a pain that would indicate embryonic burrowing, but it seems that embryos burrowing could feel the same as PMS cramping and that's bullshit. All weekend and Monday I was convinced that I'm not pregnant. Yesterday and today, I am on the fence- sometimes I think yes, sometimes no. I'm not supposed to test at home, because the hormone injections can fool the tests. I've read that after day 10, injectable pregnancy hormones won't produce a false positive, just a possible false negative, and a faint line may appear if I am pregnant. Come Monday, I'm going to be a testing fool. They can't stop me (insert maniacal laugh here).
I'm not allowed to smoke, drink wine, coffee or Diet Dr. Pepper, or take bubble baths. I am tired of taking walks. Mediation is fun and relaxing for about 15 seconds. Then I get so bored, I want to poke my own eyes out. Every show on TV has babies in it. I am trying not to overeat, because the only thing that would be worse than finding out I'm not pregnant would be getting fat and then finding out I'm not pregnant. I'm a woman on the edge here people. Oh, and there is a chance that if I am pregnant, I'll be a single parent, because I don't know if my marriage is going to survive my insanity.

A Little Bit Pregnant

I had my embryo transfer today and it hurt, but we got to watch on the ultrasound screen as the doctor implanted the embryos. I cried and Charlie squeezed my hand. It was as beautiful as getting impregnated in a lab can be. The 5 additional people in the room sort of killed the ambiance, and the speculum nixed any feeling of warm and fuzzy, but I am grateful to have this chance. They gave us pictures of our embryos...they are just 7 cells each and kind of look like a blob. If we do have a baby, when she ;) is older, we can show her the pictures and say, "Now, you are one of these blobs of cells. We're not sure which, but they are both fine looking blobs".
We now have the dreaded two week wait. In two weeks, I go back for a pregnancy test at which time, I will officially be pregnant. Apparently, this is a part of the process where you play all kinds of super fun mind games with yourself about being pregnant or not or losing embryos. I am TERRIFIED I am going to do something to make them not stick. I have been assured that staying hydrated and getting enough rest are pretty much the best precautions I can take. It just seems like I should be able to do more. The doctor said, "You really need to accept that the rest of this is out of your hands." I may start repeating that, like a mantra. We will know on Wednesday of next week if we have any embryos that are strong enough for future tries.

A Fine Harvest Indeed!

I went in on Tuesday for my egg retrieval surgery. It hurt. REALLY BAD! The IV sucked because they needed a couple of blood samples. They used a giant syringe to suck a couple of gallons out of my arm. The anesthesiologist had to remind me to breathe. Then, instead of stirrups, they strapped me into what looked like knee length moon boots. They pumped some anesthesia into me, strapped some oxygen to my face and out I went. The nurse said, "When you wake up you are going to feel compelled to ask the same question over and over again. That question is, 'How many did they get?'. when you remember the answer to that question we'll know you're out of the anesthesia."
Sure enough, I asked several times. The answer was 18! I was groggy but excited. They gave my a progesterone in oil shot in the hospital so Charlie could see how to give them. They are intramuscular and supposed to be horrible. The needle is huge and long. I actually don't think they are as bad as the hormone shots we were giving before the retrieval.
I went home in some pain. Like, excruciating-I-owed-someone-money-and-they-beat-it out-of-me-pain. I spent yesterday and today recovering and they called me with an update today. 4 of the eggs were not mature enough to fertilize. Of the 14, 12 of them fertilized and are official embryos! I have the transfer on Friday or Sunday, depending on the development. Hopefully, we will have some left over to freeze (thank you to Sarah who very generously offered freezer space so we could avoid storage fees, but I think we got it). If this cycle doesn't work, or if I miscarry, we will have future embryos to try with. Or, if we have one and decide we want another, we can use the frozen embryos.
Anyway, that's where we are. I will keep you all posted!