After finding out that Charlie's operation wasn't a success, I started blaming myself. I think it's natural, but it might just be me. I told Charlie that I was worried we couldn't have babies because I wasn't a good enough person, which seems ridiculous and irrational because it is. I knew in my mind we wouldn't get pregnant because I didn't have access to sperm, but the emotional side of me wasn't buying that. Charlie asked me what I thought I had done that was so horrible. I started a running list in my head:
I sometimes smoke (a lot)
I sometimes have a glass (or 3 or 4) of wine
I whored around a bit (a lot) in college
I don't exercise enough (at all)
I judge some people (almost everyone) really harshly
I'm sure there's more, but that's as far as I got. Charlie cut me off by gently reminding me that it wasn't about my personality flaws and that "even crack whores get pregnant". That made me feel better..ish.
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